Independence

"She had trouble defining herself independently of her husband, tried to talk to him about it, he said nonsense, he had no trouble defining her at all. " --Cynthia Propper Seton

Thought for the day:

To recover means to learn who we are, independent of friends, children, parents or intimate partners. It means knowing how we want to spend our time, what books we like to read, what hobbies interest us, what our favorite foods are. It means understanding self direction. It means charting a daily personal course and staying on it. It means defining our responsibilities and carrying them out.

Having an independent identity does not preclude depending on others for certain needs. Perhaps we revel in massage---both getting and receiving. Maybe we share the expenses of a household or the responsibilities of raising children. Depending on others to meet their responsibilities does not negate our independent identity; it strengthens it. We CHOOSE where and when to be dependent. Healthy dependency complements healthy independence.

Taken from: Hazelden Meditations; Each Day A New Beginning; Daily Meditations for Women; A Hazelden Book, Harper Collins

I had a moment early this morning (while dealing with insomnia) of temporary nervous breakdown. I felt alone and lost and really felt sad that I was not living my life the way I wanted to. For the last 5 years I have lived a primarily happy life. One filled with struggle and joy, one that is fulfilling and loving. I am generally happy! So, why after this 5 years of sedentariness did I find myself feeling that this wasn't my life?

I came down to read January 23 out of the book quoted above and it all made sense. I have NO INDEPENDENCE. I do everything for my children, my husband, my family and my friends. WHO am I, WHAT do I like and HOW can I get there? I have said this before but it has never been something that I explored or tried to find. A couple of months ago I thought I had started...but fell flat again when my husband came home from sea.

SO....the question is HOW do I break free from the dependence I have set in place and find the independence I need to feel IN my own life?

Share your thoughts and stories!

Written by: Venus Goddess, Valerie